Fall, 2022
11/5/22 am
In through the door. My palms feel tingly like the static of a tv screen without any signal. Who will be there? Anyone at all?
Across the countertop I’m greeted by a fiery personality. So warm, so passionate, even her hair is licked by the flames. Mouth turned up like the rising heat. And her words to me are sweet, seasoned with grace and belonging. I am acceptable here.
And then I’m startled by the presence of a loving hug, enveloping me from behind. There is joy sparkling in the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. They are proud of me, those eyes. And they say as much.
The tingles are turning to shakes now. Only exacerbated by the patient caffeine I asked for. The words finding their way out of my pen have a zig-zag quality about them. They seem so shaky and uncertain yet in this very moment, I have never felt so confident in this: I am loved and I am a lover. I belong and with me, too, others belong. Today, I am happy.
Memories
Anger
It's a pimple lurking low beneath the skin
No chance of popping it
The trick is not to poke and prod
Don't irritate it
Maybe one day it will just be a mildly unpleasant memory
Maybe by not doing anything
You're actually doing everything you can, maybe...
The white-hot head continues pushing its way to the surface
Carving through skin
But ignorance is bliss right?
Ignorance is a witch's cauldron
Teeming with malice, rage, wrath, sarcasm, shame,
hostility, jealousy, fury, criticism, and hate
It's the cataracts stepping in the way of injustice
Ignorance is just a scabby bandaid fused with skin it was meant to heal
The choice is simple:
You can let that putrid flesh fester and turn gangrenous
Or you can tear the bandage off
And finally feel
Finally heal